What's My Conflict Style?
20 questions. ~5 minutes. Based on the DUTCH framework (De Dreu et al., 2001).
Free. No account required. See your primary and secondary conflict modes.
Why conflict style matters
Everyone has a default way of handling disagreements. Some people push for their position. Others avoid the conversation entirely. Some look for middle ground. Your default isn't wrong, but it is limited. Knowing your pattern lets you choose a different approach when your default would make things worse.
This assessment uses the DUTCH framework, which measures five modes along two axes: assertiveness (how much you pursue your own concerns) and cooperativeness (how much you consider the other person's concerns). The combination of these two axes produces the five conflict styles.
Common questions
What are the 5 conflict resolution styles?
The five conflict resolution styles are: Competing (assertive, uncooperative — pursuing your own concerns), Collaborating (assertive, cooperative — finding a win-win), Compromising (moderate on both — splitting the difference), Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative — sidestepping the issue), and Accommodating (unassertive, cooperative — yielding to the other person). This framework comes from the Thomas-Kilmann model and the DUTCH Test for Conflict Handling (De Dreu et al., 2001).
What is the best conflict style?
No single conflict style is best in all situations. Collaborating works well when both parties' concerns matter and there's time to work through it. Competing is appropriate when a quick decision is critical. Avoiding makes sense when the issue is trivial or emotions are too high. Accommodating preserves relationships when the issue matters more to the other person. The goal is flexibility — knowing your default so you can adapt intentionally.
How do conflict styles affect relationships?
Conflict style mismatches (e.g., one partner competes while the other avoids) can create recurring patterns of escalation and withdrawal. Understanding both your style and your partner's helps you recognize these cycles and choose more constructive approaches. Couples who can flex between styles based on the situation report higher relationship satisfaction.